Here's what always confuses people when networking comes up:
I'm actually really good at talking to people.
My friends will tell you I can strike up a conversation with anyone. I've worked front of house for years. I thrive in small talk. Drop me in a booth across from a stranger and I'll walk away knowing their kid's name, where they grew up, and what they think about their in-laws.
But drop me in a brightly-lit conference room with 40 people who all seem to be catching up like they've known each other for 30 years, and are absolutely judging me off my first ten seconds in the door?
Yeah. No thank you.
That's the specific flavor of "hating networking" I want to talk about. Not the "I don't like people" flavor. The "I love people, one at a time, without a name tag" flavor.
If that's you, this one's for us.
Let Go of the Word "Networking"
Half the reason networking feels awful is the word itself.
The second you frame the interaction as "networking," you make it transactional. You make it about extracting value from someone else's time.
No wonder it feels gross.
What actually works is stopping the "networking" and starting the "meeting interesting people."
That's the whole reframe. You're not there to collect business cards or land a client. You're there to talk to a few humans who might be interesting.
The pressure drops immediately.
Prepare Your Body Before Your Talking Points
Here's a tip I never see in those LinkedIn thought leadership posts, but I stand by every time: Move your body and get some sun before the event. Ideally the day of.
Twenty minutes outside. A walk, a workout, anything that gets you into your body and into natural light.
Nervous energy is physical before it's mental. Show up already wound from a day of screen time, and you'll feel every ounce of that tension when you try to hold a conversation. Show up regulated, and everything's easier.
I take my dog on a long walk before big events when I can. By the time I'm at there, I'm not walking in from a stressful day. I've had the time to decompress, regulate, and prepare for the event ahead.
It works better than any "power pose in the bathroom" tip I've ever read.
Set a Realistic Goal
You are not going to work the room. Stop telling yourself you are.
Set a goal that fits your actual personality:
- Have three real conversations
- Meet one new person and get their contact info
- Stay one full hour, then leave without guilt
When you walk in with a small, achievable goal, you can leave when you hit it. Every event becomes a mission instead of an open-ended endurance test.
Break the Room Down to Your Size
Here's the mindset shift that changed things for me: I don't have to work a room of 40. I have to find my three.
If I can find one, two, or three people I actually enjoy talking to, the whole event transforms. It stops being a ballroom of strangers and becomes a series of one-on-one conversations, which is my zone.
So when I walk in, I stop trying to be the networking butterfly floating gracefully around. I look for someone standing alone, or a small group of two, and I go say hi. That's where the good conversations happen anyway.
You don't have to be good at the whole room. You just have to be good at your three.
Have Two or Three Real Openers Ready
Not sales pitches. Just openers:
- "How did you end up here tonight?"
- "What are you working on right now that you're excited about?"
- "This event has been a lot. Are you enjoying it or are you also ready to leave in ten minutes?" (read the room first)
The best openers signal that you're a real person having a real conversation, not a networker running a script.
Ask a follow-up. Then another. If small talk is your strength, this is your moment.
Let Yourself Take Breaks
Nobody is watching you as closely as you think they are.
Step outside for five minutes. Sit in the corner and check your phone. Duck into the bathroom to breathe. That is a completely normal thing to do at a networking event and I promise you are not the only one doing it.
The goal is to stay in the room without burning out.
The Follow-Up Is Where the Magic Happens
The event itself is barely half of networking. The other half is what happens in the two days after.
A LinkedIn connection with a personalized note. A short email that references something you talked about. A "hey, here's that book I mentioned" text. A calendar invite for coffee.
Most people don't follow up. They mean to. They forget. They convince themselves it would be weird.
The person who follows up within 48 hours wins. Every time.
If small talk is your zone, thoughtful follow-up is your superpower. Don't skip it.
Play to Your Strengths, Not Someone Else's Playbook
Here's what I've learned about networking as someone who is actually pretty good with people:
The issue was never that I was bad at connecting. The issue was that the "networking event" format is built for one very specific personality type, and it isn't most of us.
Some of the best relationships I've built came from coffee meetings, small dinners, or Zoom calls that started as a random LinkedIn message. Not massive mixers.
If big events drain you, stop forcing them. Pick one small event a month. Send five thoughtful LinkedIn messages a week. Host a tiny dinner. Ask someone you admire to coffee.
That's still networking. It just doesn't come with a name tag.
Your Nervous System Will Adjust
The good news: it does get easier.
Not because you become someone who thrives in a room of 40 strangers. Because you stop trying to. You develop your own version of what networking looks like. You realize most of the room feels the same way you do, they're just better at hiding it.
Now go take a walk in the sun, touch some grass, then go find your three.
Until next time, Nina
📚 Currently reading: Verity by Colleen Hoover
🎧 Currently listening to: My Spotify Daylist (I got 'indie granola folk' vibes this morning)
🍷 Currently sipping: my current obsession - DIY brown sugar shaken espresso